My Birth Story of Baby #2
My second birth was my best, and I'm not just saying that because I'm a second child. 😅 I learned from my first birth and took advantage of newly available blogging resources online--which weren't readily available when I had my first daughter.
While I didn't know there was a term for it--there is... it's called transition planning--I instinctively knew that I needed to approach my labor, delivery, and returning home with a different approach. My time and effort planning paid off. Despite the fact that I returned to my last semester of undergrad within days of giving birth, I thrived.
If I had to pinpoint the top 5 things that I did differently the second time around which helped the most they would be:
- I had initially hoped for a spring baby, but summer was still so much better than the winter. The days were long, bright, cheery, and we weren't stuck at home avoiding the flu and RSV.
- My husband took a full week off after returning home from the hospital, and he took 2 weeks of half-days after that. This allowed me to sleep-in in the morning after staying up at night breastfeeding. My partner only had 3 weeks of sick leave saved up, so we didn't want to use all of it at once (in case he needed it a little down the line), so we got creative. Having my husband go from being home with me full-time for a week to being home with me part-time allowed me to slowly wean from the help while my new baby and I figured each other out. As we got better at our co-occupations (breastfeeding, sleep-wake cycles, bonding) and I got rest, I needed my partner's help less and less. By the time he went back to work, I was perfectly settled and better able to care for not just 1 but 2 kiddos.
- I stocked up on paper plates and plasticware, so I could get a few weeks' break on dishes... one of my least favorite chores (only behind cooking... see a trend?)
- I reached out to people before giving birth asking them for help with tending my oldest child, bringing in meals, and spending time with me (playdates, lunch date sans children, just watching TV together, etc.). I specifically told them I was worried about my mental health as I struggled with loneliness after my first child's birth.
- I kept my meaningful activities up. School and church activities helped me so much. I only needed two classes to complete my bachelor's degree, so I took one hybrid class and 1 online class. I also planned to make sure both classes were easy and enjoyable. Getting out of the house one evening a week without children, doing what I love to do (being around others and learning) helped me keep a balanced sense of social participation and education to round out all of my child-rearing duties, chores, self-hygiene, health management, play, leisure, and rest.
Certainly, there's no "one size fits all," but these things were perfect for my needs and personality. For example, I am not a morning person, so having my spouse home in the mornings for 2 weeks addressed that part of my personality that struggles with bringing home a new baby. Also, I'm a social person and isolation is crushing to me, but maybe you're more introverted and enjoy the restorative alone-time with your children... and that's perfectly okay! We're all different.
The first step to transition planning is knowing your needs, wants, and preferences and then brainstorming on potential conflicts once baby is home. A tool that I have found invaluable in really getting to know, understand, and accept myself is the Myers Briggs Personality Test. Once I had that information, I was able to scour Pinterest, blogs, and the internet to help me understand my personality type's (INFJ) needs, signs of overwhelm, and strategies for addressing these things.
I've taken many, many Myers Briggs personality tests over the years, and they have always come out as INFJ. Here's one of the more recent ones that I thought was well written. Cheers to self-exploration (one of INFJ's favorite things)!
